I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
