so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize