It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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