Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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