forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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