so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
