I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
