I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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