Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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