is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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