I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Randomize
