just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
