smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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