even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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