One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
