dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
