I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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