I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
