I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
