I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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