Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
