1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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