I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
