I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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