haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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