hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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