Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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