Ambien. No doubt about it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Terrible idea I love it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
try to milk me bitch
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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