im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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