I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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