Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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