Need sex. Gaining weight.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
