There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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