I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
