I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
