I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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