You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
