They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
