so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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