just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
