So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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