What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
