When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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