In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
