ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
