you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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