I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
