I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
