just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
