I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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