Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
