I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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