I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
