If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can't turn off my feet"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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