1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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