I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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