so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
