Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
