nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
