she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
