there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
