I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
