im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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