matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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