she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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