oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
