i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
