she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
