WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
