My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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