if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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