trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
