I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
