i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
