when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
