he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
