i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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