i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize