First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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