we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
