gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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