Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
