This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
