Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
