My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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