I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
