Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
