Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
