Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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