How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
