she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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