Quick, to the slutcave!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
