Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize