he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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