I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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