No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Two words: nipple clamps
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