dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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