none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
