i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
