she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
