my vag is so smooth its legendary
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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