can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
