dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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