I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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