when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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