I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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