dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
