Soap is not a condiment
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
